Dating With A Scarcity Mindset Will Always Lead To Heartbreak
If I was a singer, this would be my lead single
I woke up at 5 am this morning to a text from a friend who knew I was still feeling the sting of a recent heartbreak. Apparently, she had been flipping through the pages of Essence Magazine looking for inspiration for her vision board when she saw me holding it down in all my fit glory.
Do you see this? Do you see you? Because I see you.
I smiled as I attempted to swallow the shame I still felt around a situation I wanted to leave in 2020. How did I, a founder of a brand that is always reminding women to know their worth, forget hers? How did I settle for a situation that wasn’t in line with who I worked so hard to be and who I was becoming?
The truth is, back in May, the pandemic, isolation, lack of human touch, contract negotiations, and feeling like I was running out of time led me to app dating and falling for the first thing that fell into my lap. I wasn’t dating from a place of abundance, I was dating from a place of scarcity. And if I’ve learned anything about dating with a scarcity mindset, it’s that it will always lead to heartbreak.
Dating with a scarcity mindset will always lead to heartbreak.
As I reflect on that situation, I am reminded that we attract what we believe we deserve. You can post all the self-love quotes you want on Instagram, have everything you’ve dreamed of, emotionally aware, chakras balanced, pristine health, mentally and spiritually grounded, elevating in all areas of life, and still subconsciously feel unworthy due to your wounded and unhealed inner child. And until you do the work to raise your self-worth to the level of the things you want to attract, you’ll always end up scraping the barrel bottom.
Every person you meet will not be your soulmate. Most will be a lesson.
Truth is, he needed to fumble the bag because I needed to see myself through the eyes of another. The unhealed me. Still wounded, suffering from fear of abandonment, codependency, and perfectly imperfect. I needed to address past traumas so that I could avoid mistaking trauma bonding for something real in the future. I needed to feel the intensity of the flame so that I’d know what it feels like to get burned and to ensure I didn’t get close to the fire again.
I knew he was trouble at Hello. The wide bright smile and charismatic eyes. The first forehead kiss, the light touch of my arm, the lean in of his hug. Deep down I wanted to taste trouble. I wanted to touch the fire. I wanted to feel the burn. How long could I stand in the heat and not sweat? Will he run off with a piece of my soul or will he stay long enough to unravel me layer by layer, and unveil the depths of the deepest corners of my spirit. (Journal entry: June 4, 2020)
This morning I did a victory lap on my Peloton after my initial workout was over. 15 extra minutes of full intensity while blasting Nicki Minaj’s Grand Piano, I Lied, and Buy a Heart, followed by I’m The Best, Moment 4 Life, Fly and Make Me Proud.
I have no time for dwelling on 2020 happenings, it’s time to get it in 2021.
Influencer Mattie James gives a lesson for moms and wives on batching tasks so that you can enjoy more family time and making memories at home.
“Chase one rabbit, you catch it. Chase two rabbits, you catch none.” Meaning: focus on THE THING. Do that thing REALLY well. THEN expand.
Whew! Luvvie said a word here. On the entrepreneurial journey, it’s easy to get caught up in trying to launch a million projects at one time but you end up being a jack of all trades and master of none. This thread reminds us why we should focus on doing one thing well before moving on to the next.
I started this thread after LLC Twitter started trending and it blew up! I felt that instead of over-glorifying entrepreneurship, that we should also share some of our mistakes so that other entrepreneurs and creatives coming up wouldn’t make the same mistakes as we did. This needs to be a whole book. I’ll share my biggest mistake that I’m still paying for in an upcoming newsletter.
Currently Listening To
Journalist Pauleanna Reid put me onto this album of audio affirmations back in October when I was going through some major ish, and it knocks hard. No is definitely bae!
Apps that I’m Loving
Threader - Threader sends me a digest of tweet threads from people I follow every morning so I don’t have to spend a lot of time and energy scrolling tweets.
Pocket - I use this app to bookmark and save articles to read later
ZocDoc - It’s the beginning of the year and time to get those annual physicals. I came across ZocDoc after being frustrated from calling around trying to make doctor appointments. It allows me to quickly and easily find doctors, dentists, gynecologists, dermatologists, and more in my area and book an appointment directly from the app. It also keeps a record of past appointments and sends reminders when you are overdue for an annual check-up.
Clubhouse - I have a love-hate relationship with the Clubhouse app. It’s new, it’s fresh and it’s the hottest ticket in town. It used to feel exclusive but it has turned a little ratchet over the last few weeks, reminiscent of the 90s dating hotlines that used to be advertised for 99 cents a minute back in the day.
The algorithm is like that of life. You are only invited into rooms of the people you follow, so to broaden the rooms that you see, you have to diversify who you follow. I learned this fairly quickly after listening to rooms with famous rappers yelling at each other, and curiously wandering into a room titled, “How to get a sugar daddy in Atlanta.” -_- Why lord?
I’m now following more quality people and I’ve listened in on a lot of quality rooms that gave great insight and tips on entrepreneurship, the stock market, manifestation, and even health. It can almost be like a free, curated, conference if you treat it as such.
I can touch on Clubhouse more later. In the meantime, if you want an invite, I have 4 available. I’ll choose four folks from my text tribe. Click here or text “I’m Elevating” to 404-737-3948 to join.
I want to create a schedule for this newsletter but I fear that if I create a set schedule, it will start feeling like work, and that’s what I don’t want. At any rate, if there are days and times you prefer to have this hit your inbox, I’m always open to suggestions.
Talk To Me
This is my fourth newsletter since December 23. I’m proud of myself!
I’m striving for 52 weeks straight! As always, if you love the post, please leave a heart, comment, or share. Subscribe to get my weekly musings straight to your inbox!