When You Outgrow The Life That Fit Just Right

A soft reckoning with the life I thought I wanted

It’s been a minute.

I’ve been sitting with this feeling lately: a soft, quiet realization that the life I’m living right now is... unfamiliar. And not in a bad way. But in a “wow, I’ve changed” kind of way.

I spend less time posting on social media these days, which means I’m not as plugged into the timelines, the trends, or the noise. And with that disconnection comes a little distance from people, from rhythms I used to dance in without thinking, and sometimes… from you.

When I first started this Substack in December 2020, I was sitting in the wreckage of a truth I had just spoken out loud.

A few days earlier, I had gotten off the phone with my company’s COO, and through tears, blurted out:

"I’m not happy."

It was the first time I had said it with my whole chest.

Three years after selling my company, I was still showing up, still performing, still being the founder everyone wanted me to be, but inside, I felt completely disconnected from my own life.

I had built something beautiful, but in the process, I had lost my sense of control. Over my career. My voice. My livelihood. And I lived with the anxiety every day of “What’s next for me?”

That space I was in?
It made me small in a world that wanted me to show up real big.

So I started writing here.
Not to fix anything. Not to impress anyone.
But just to hear myself again.

And now, over four years later, I’m coming back to this page as a woman who has lived her way into new questions. One who has slowly begun untangling her worth from her work. One who is no longer interested in being visible if it costs her her peace.

Because success used to mean something very different to me.

When I first started my career as a blogger, success looked like being photo’d with celebs every week, flying first class, staying in five-star hotels, being nominated for awards, and everyone knowing my name. That version of success? It was loud. Flashy. And honestly… exhausting.

These days, success looks quieter. Softer.

It looks like ease. Like purpose. Like peace in my body and clarity in my spirit.
It’s walking into a room and not needing to prove anything.
It’s creating something meaningful, even if no one claps right away.

I’ve changed.
And if I’m honest? Sometimes I wonder if that change has made me less interesting. Less relevant.
Less... relatable.

Because what do you write about when your life doesn’t feel curated anymore? When the glow-up is internal? When success looks like meeting your weekly book-reading quota, drinking your morning spirulina, and finally sleeping peaceful through the night?

Maybe it looks like sharing my truth

About how starting this very newsletter gave me the courage to change my life.

To walk away from a life that looked good on paper but felt heavy in my spirit.
To walk away from the brand I built from the ground up and start a new company that aligned with my why.
To make new friends who mirrored my growth, not my old image or past traumas.
To explore hobbies and spaces that weren’t about visibility and photo-ops, but about joy.

This newsletter was never just content. It was a conversation with the real me, the version I’d been too busy performing to meet.

And once I met her? I couldn’t go back.

But maybe that’s exactly what’s worth writing about.

Maybe this is where the real story begins.

So this is me, showing back up.
Not as the version of myself that launched Necole Bitchie or xoNecole.
Not as the woman trying to prove she’s still got it.
But as the one who has quietly come home to herself.

And if you’re in your own unfamiliar season too, growing out of old dreams, releasing roles, or whispering truths that feel inconvenient, I hope this post meets you gently.

Because you’re not alone.

We’re still becoming.
And that’s enough.

-Necole